My heart crumbled inside as I uttered words that I never thought would escape my mouth. “Just shut up!”
For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.
Matthew 12:34 ESV
Mom rage or the feeling of intense feelings of anger is not commonly spoken about in Christian circles and that is quite a shame because it is raging a hidden war on our families and our health. How to deal with mom rage is a question we must ask ourselves if we are finding our words and actions are becoming rageful and sinful.
That moment of rage is not something I am proud of, but I might wager to say that most moms are not proud of their feelings of rage or explosive anger. You may experience immediate feelings of guilt as those negative emotions surface. We want to find a healthy way to deal with these moments of rage, but we may not have the resources to do so. Let’s look at this concept of ‘mom rage’ and a Biblical response to it.
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What is Mom Rage?
Mom rage is essential a feeling of uncontrollable anger that many moms feel during pregnancy, postpartum, and beyond. The term mom rage specifically began to gain more traction during the pandemic as mothers were thrust into a position of new anxiety, pressure, and expectations.
Motherhood is a beautiful journey filled with moments of joy, wonder, and profound love. However, it’s also a path that can be fraught with challenges, including something many mothers face: mom rage.
Mom rage can be described as intense anger or frustration that mothers may experience, often triggered by external factors like the overwhelming demands of daily life, lack of sleep, feelings of inadequacy, or unmet emotional needs. It’s a real and often unspoken struggle that can leave mothers feeling guilty, isolated, and unsure of how to cope.
If you explore articles about mom rage, many of them conclude that mom rage stems from unrealistic expectations that society and circumstances have placed on mothers. Maybe no other article summarizes it better than this one written by Minna Dubin from the New York Times.
In the article, she succinctly summarizes the correlation between sheltering in place and mom rage. Yet many mothers shy away from sharing their struggles because of another hot term called “mom shame.”
So, we find ourselves battling with rage that we do not like yet find any escape from.
Maybe the answer lies not within a modern society’s view of mom rage, but instead within the pages of an old book: the Bible.
A Biblical Response to Mom Rage
Mom’s rage is not a new phenomenon, although I think it is safe to say that it has surfaced at a higher degree based on the pressure mothers face in this society.
As Christians, we turn to the Bible for wisdom and guidance in all aspects of life, including parenting and managing our emotions. The Bible acknowledges the reality of anger but also provides a pathway to handle it in a way that honors God and promotes peace within ourselves and our families.
In fact, the Bible is full of Bible verses about anger. Dare I say all of them do not excuse the emotion? Mom’s rage is understandable, but not excusable.
The piece missing from all the articles I read without a biblical background missed this key emphasis:
Mom rage is wrong. It is sinful. It is wrong.
Do not become convinced that your sinful angry actions are excused just because the circumstances are justifiable.
What Does the Bible Say about Anger in Parenting?
I have never been a person to explode in anger. That is until I had my children. Just typing those words makes guilt spill over into my heart and mind. Yet it is true. When my oldest was around two years old, the ‘honeymoon’ phase of parenting evaporated, and I was left isolated as a working mom who has the heart of a stay-at-home mom.
I found myself exploding in anger over the most trivial things. As my anger became more calloused and I had a hard time controlling myself, the guilt piled higher.
Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.
James 1:19-20
The Bible speaks directly to my parental anger. The sin of anger brings brokenness into my life and the only cure is Jesus.
There are a lot of modern cures for mom rage or parental anger. Group therapy, counseling, and meditation are all antidotes mentioned by Dubin in the New York Times article linked above.
Yet let me offer another option: repentance. This isn’t to say that sometimes we need professional help. We certainly do.
Repentance is going to turn us away from ourselves, and toward the only one who can truly forgive and help our brokenness: Jesus.
For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.
2 Corinthians 7:10 ESV
Ephesians 4:26 reminds us,
Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,
Ephesians 4:26 ESV
This verse encourages us not to suppress our emotions but to address them promptly and in a manner that aligns with God’s teachings.
Proverbs 15:1 advises,
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Proverbs 15:1 ESV
This verse teaches us the power of gentleness and self-control in our responses, especially in the heat of parenting challenges.
Your guilt, or lack of it, should cause you to rest in the Gospel reality. Your sin is covered by Christ’s blood. It should not cause you to take your rage lightly, but instead, spur you on to repentance and sanctification.
We will still mess up. Our brokenness is deep and our will is weak.
Three Practical Steps on How to Deal with Mom Rage
As we learn how to deal with mom rage, here are three practical steps we can take to repent and turn away from rage. Remember that there is a difference between anger and rage. Anger can sometimes be a helpful emotion! Jesus even became angry during his earthly ministry (John 2). However, rage is a feeling that is out of control and often leads to sinful actions.
One of the most convicting verses that I have ever read that pertains to motherhood is from Proverbs 14.
The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish pulls it down with her hands.
Proverbs 14:1 ESV
I often ask myself “Rachael are you being a wise woman who builds her home, or are you being a fool, who is tearing it down?”
Anger can tear a home down. Be that mama who builds her home instead of tearing it down. Gentleness will also allow you to enjoy your children so much more. Be honest with yourself. When your fits of anger pass, are you honestly enjoying your children, or is anger destroying that part of motherhood for you?
Navigating the complexities of motherhood also involves managing external pressures like social media’s portrayal of perfection.
The Bible encourages us in Romans 12:2 to
Do not be conformed to this world,but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
Romans 12:2 ESV
Finding moments of alone time for self-care and reflection allows mothers to recharge spiritually and emotionally, fostering a healthier perspective on their roles and responsibilities. By aligning our actions with biblical principles and seeking God’s guidance in every aspect of parenting, mothers can navigate maternal rage with grace and resilience, ultimately fostering a home environment filled with love, patience, and understanding.v
Here are three practical steps for overcoming mom rage.
1. Know What Triggers Anger
Almost 100% of the time my biggest trigger for anger stems from working from home. Unfortunately, my circumstances cannot change, but knowing my trigger helps me plan proactively to prevent it.
Identifying the triggers of mom rage is the first step toward managing mom rage. It could be sleep deprivation, unrealistic expectations, or simply the cumulative stress of daily life. Recognizing these triggers allows us to anticipate and prepare for moments when anger might arise.
2. Find Support
Finding support can be as simple as reading a book on the subject, finding an accountability partner, or seeking professional help. Finding support will depend on you and your unique circumstances. Maternal rage and postpartum depression are a thing, they are not made up. Seek support if you are going through emotions that don’t feel normal
In Galatians 6:2, we are instructed to
Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.
Galatians 6:2
Seeking support from fellow moms, friends, or a support group can provide encouragement and perspective. Professional help, such as a therapist or parent coach, can also offer strategies tailored to your specific needs.
Dealing with maternal rage through a biblical lens requires acknowledging the multifaceted challenges that mothers face, including postpartum depression, mood swings, sleep deprivation, and unrealistic expectations. These pressures can exacerbate feelings of anger and frustration, leading mothers to question their abilities and feeling like a “bad mom.”
In moments of intense emotions, taking a deep breath and turning to God for strength becomes crucial.
Psalm 62:8 reminds us to
Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.
Psalm 62:8
Seeking professional support/professional help, such as counseling or therapy, is not a sign of weakness but a proactive step in addressing postpartum rage and unmet emotional needs.
3. Find a Better Response
I know it’s hard to hear but these moments of mother rage do have a negative impact on your young children. Your emotional response to an unmet need, the mental load of motherhood, lack of alone time, sensory overload, lack of support, anxiety disorders, or other underlying causes, does affect your family. My guess is that is something that you do not want.
Understand the consequences of your anger and find a better response that works for you. Once we understand the consequences of anger, we can start to plan for a better response. Maybe when the rage surfaces, you need to put yourself in ‘mommy time out’. I have found that I am much better equipped to handle my emotions when I take 10 minutes on my elliptical machine.
James 1:19 advises,
Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;
James 1:19
This biblical principle encourages us to pause and consider our responses carefully. Taking deep breaths, praying for patience, or stepping away briefly can help us respond in a healthier way rather than reacting in anger.
If you are looking to integrate more encouraging scriptures for moms into your life, consider starting a prayer journal that uses many of these verses to guide you in prayer. Below is a free prayer journal to get you started! Pray for your children, pray for yourself, and pray that God will move in mighty ways.
Hope for Mom Rage
Dealing with mom rage is a journey that requires both self-awareness and reliance on God’s guidance. By understanding our triggers, seeking support from others, and responding in ways that reflect biblical principles of love and patience, we can navigate the challenges of motherhood with grace and strength. Remember, you are not alone in this journey. God is with you, providing wisdom and peace as you strive to parent in a way that honors Him.
Are you dealing with mom rage? I want to leave you with this final encouragement:
God has uniquely equipped you to be your children’s mother. Trust that he has given you all that you need to parent them well. Your only hope is in Christ, who has forgiven you and reconciled you to Himself. Praise God! As we learn how to deal with mom rage may you be encouraged that you are not alone and there is hope.
In the midst of everyday crises and intense emotions, let us lean on the words of Psalm 34:14:
Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.
Psalm 34:14 ESV
May God grant us the wisdom and strength to handle mom rage in a way that glorifies Him and brings peace to our homes.
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