As our family size has increased, the comments have increased too, all centered around the theme of what is ‘too many children.”
It seems that once you step over the invisible line from a “normal-sized” family to a “large family,” your personal choices become part of the public opinion section.
Last week, we welcomed our fifth baby boy into this wild world. My heart is overflowing with gratitude and joy. I read something recently, and although I cannot quote it exactly, I do want to open with a rendition of the quote:
Do not fear the stretch of pregnancy, for it will prepare for for the intensity of birth.
Do not fear the wildness of birth, for it will prepare you for the depths of motherhood.
Do not fear the sacrifice of motherhood, for it is your portal to the truest version of the woman within.
Do not fear, for every step prepares you for the next.
Since we had our third, I’ve found myself receiving odd comments about motherhood and our family size. Yes, since number three. To those who have three or more children, most likely, these statements are no stranger to your ears. Some of these are direct quotes, and some of them are paraphrases from YouTube and Instagram comments.
“Wow, five kids? Are you done now?”
“Wow, all boys? Your hands must be full!”
“Wow, all boys?! Are you going to stop or keep trying for a girl?”
“How do you have enough time for all of them?”
“Don’t you know what causes that?”
“What kind of birth control are you using?”
“4 babies are more than enough because the world is too overpopulated. Now you are the problem.”
“You are a baby factory instead of a good wife, good mom. You are sacrificing quality time and great colleges paid for.”
“Are you getting your tubes tied? Or is your husband getting a vasectomy?”
Here is a direct quote from a YouTube comment. This comment in particular made me start thinking about writing my thoughts down about ‘large families’.
“Why wasn’t 4 kids enough? Why do women stretch themselves so thin, having numerous children when one or two would have been plenty? Full focus and attention, time, wants & needs towards a few kids is better than a scatterbrained and constantly busy and distracted mother. I just don’t understand.”
Here in the United States, there’s a cultural conversation happening about family size, population growth, and children’s opportunities. Having a big family is sometimes seen as a status symbol, sometimes as a burden, and often as an irresponsible choice. As a faith-based family, we see it a little differently. In fact, the idea of status symbol, a burden, or a choice has never even entered my mind concerning our family size.
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What Does the Bible Say About Having Children?
The Bible speaks tenderly and reverently about children.
Psalm 127:3 tells us,
“Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.”
From the very first book of the Bible, human beings were instructed to “be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:28). It was never treated as a reckless act, but as a blessing and a divine calling.
We believe life begins at conception, that each child, whether born into wealth or struggle, with perfect health or special needs, carries intrinsic worth.
In fact, Mother Teresa said it best: “How can there be too many children? That is like saying there are too many flowers.“
Our family isn’t chasing numbers for the sake of numbers. We believe that each child we welcome is known and loved by God before we ever meet them. There’s no “right number” determined by the world’s standards, only the guidance we receive from the One who made us.
What Does the ‘World’ Say About Having Children?
Our culture has woven its own complicated narrative around family structure and family size. Once you have your fourth child, you start to get sideways glances. Add a fifth, and you become a walking debate about population control, climate change, and health risks.
Some argue that larger families consume more resources, that children’s opportunities are limited in big families, or that parents can’t possibly provide enough quality time for each child. Social media amplifies this message, offering opinion pieces and viral posts about the “right number” of kids, the best way to raise them, and dire warnings about population growth.
Or maybe you’ve also landed on the flipside of that social media narrative. Instead of seeing the ‘negative’ aspects of large families, you’ve found that large families can also be glorified on social media. That as the family number gets higher, there is more ‘shock and awe’, plus the glorification of family size in Christian circles.
But let’s pause and ask: Is the issue really how many children a family has, or is it how we value human beings in general? Are we afraid of big families because they disrupt our tidy, controlled view of what life should look like?
What We Believe About Having Children
For us, our growing family isn’t about proving a point, nor is it about chasing some vintage image of what a large family should look like. It’s about obedience, faith, and a deep-rooted belief that life is precious.
Let me clarify the ‘obedience’ part. I’m not saying that we are obeying a call to a large family size. In fact, as I’ve shared occasionally on my platform, I was the woman who never dreamed of getting married and having a family. I was intrinsically self-centered and preferred and even glorified that option. Dan knew going into marriage that I was hesitant to have children. I even voiced adoption as a preferred option. Therefore, we never spoke about an ‘ideal’ family size for us. Probably not something I’d recommend, but for us, our lack of communication on the subject has actually worked in our favor.
When I say that our family size is about obedience, I mean that it’s an obedient ‘step forward.’ When God blesses us, we step forward in obedience. We never planned on our third, fourth, or fifth child. In fact, we took steps to avoid it happening. However, when it did happen, we stepped forward in obedience.
Our children aren’t numbers; they’re souls, stories, and futures. They are not a hindrance to a fulfilling life but part of the very fabric of it. We believe that having a lot of children, whether biological children or adopted, is not irresponsible, but can be one of the most life-giving, sanctifying choices a family makes.
When God writes your family story, it rarely fits the world’s outline. We don’t know what the years of their lives will hold, but we’re honored to be entrusted with them.
The Sacrifice of Motherhood
For me, it’s always felt natural to trust God with every part of my life, including childbearing. Of course, I should clarify and say that was after my first child, and I realized that my desire not to have children completely contradicted what was actually in my heart. Deep down, I wanted to be a homemaker. I’ve never been more fulfilled than as a wife, mother, and homemaker.
My parents only had two children, but always made it clear that they would have joyfully welcomed more. I’ve had many people over the years emphasize through their actions and words that their reliance on God wasn’t compartmentalized, and that has honestly left a mark on me.
When I read Proverbs 3:5-6 —
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths”
— I can’t seem to find a footnote or exception for the childbearing area of life.
It’s almost as if society (and even in Christian circles) have rewritten that verse to say “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him, and continue to take your birth control, in that he will direct your paths.”
The “all” really means all. And yet, my own understanding still pipes up, warning me of what might be lost if I continue down this road: no waistline, no clean house, no alone time, no manageable grocery bill, no peaceful retirement.
The world adds its own voice too, whispering that I’ll never be able to send them all to college, that I’ll be seen as strange, and that ministry opportunities will shrink in the shadow of motherhood.
But here’s the thing — I don’t mind if my children choose trade school over college. My community is what I shape it to be. And if the highest calling God gives me is to raise children who carry His light into a dark world, that is not a small ministry. It’s an eternal one.
And then there’s Jeremiah 29:11 —
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
It’s easy to read that verse through an American lens, assuming it means financial ease or physical comfort. But what if God’s prosperity is deeper? What if it’s about the eternal well-being of our souls? What if the daily sacrifices —the sleepless nights, the constant giving of our bodies, time, and hearts — are actually forging something more lasting than ease or convenience?
Motherhood, at its core, is a daily dying to self. It’s a cross we carry with love. And through it, God is building not just a hope and a future for us, but through us, for generations to come.
One of the greatest side effects of bearing any number of children (because remember there is no such thing as a magical number that makes us ‘good enough’) is that it should make me/you less selfish. As Christ works in our hearts and sanctifies us, we will gain a heart that is more closely aligned to who he created us to be, which should be less selfish.
Our Lifestyle
Our lifestyle may not look like what many in the United States would consider conventional. We homeschool, tend a little homestead, and attempt to live with a slower rhythm than the rush of mainstream culture. Our family structure allows older children to help and teach the younger ones. The “village” that is so often spoken about exists right under our roof.
Yes, there are challenges — from sleep deprivation to state requirements for homeschooling to the juggling act of finding quality time for each child. But there’s a richness to this life, an undercurrent of joy and purpose that makes the sacrifices small in comparison.
On “Enough Time”
One of the most common concerns people express is whether parents of large families have enough time for each child. The assumption is that quality time decreases as the number of kids rises. And while it might seem that way, I’ve found the opposite to be true in many ways.
In a larger family, siblings become built-in best friends, teachers, and encouragers. Our older children develop responsibility and empathy. There’s always a hand to hold, a laugh to share, a lesson to learn. It’s a beautiful kind of abundance.
However, I know that’s not necessarily the concern. How do my husband and I have enough time for each child? Of course, it’s a juggling act, but I find that the time we do have is some of the sweetest and most treasured times. Plus, it does not have to be complicated. Need to run to the hardware store? Bring a child. Need to pick up another child from a program or function? Bring a child. Those moments in the car are some of the dearest to my heart.
Back in March of this year, we decided to take our oldest son out for his birthday, just the two of us. We have prioritized doing things one-on-one with each child, but not as a parenting duo. It was amazing. We had planned an entire day of fun activities at the Mall of America, but on the way there, our son piped up and said, “Can we just go to a playground and spend time together?”
I can’t begin to explain how imprinted that day is in my mind. Both Dan and I love the idea of continuing the mom and day outings for birthdays. Time spent together is so fulfilling, and children desire that in the deepest of ways.
So, is it hard? Yes. But it’s not impossible and I’ve honestly found that there is more time one-on-one than I would have ever imagined.
I Was Never “Mine” to Begin with
These days, it’s easy to let social media paint a picture of what a “good” life should look like. Perfectly designed homes, clean counters, dream vacations, and a couple of picture-perfect kids posed just right in matching outfits — it’s a glossy highlight reel labeled as success.
But real life, especially in a large family, doesn’t work that way. It’s noisy, unpredictable, a little cluttered, and beautifully chaotic. It doesn’t fit neatly into a square frame or a carefully filtered post. And you know what? That’s the good stuff. That’s where the deep, soul-shaping work happens.
As our family has grown, I’ve noticed something in my own heart shifting. The more little feet that fill our home, the less room there is for me to sit around staring at my own needs and desires. My self-importance has started to fade — and what a relief that is. However, don’t get confused by the words ‘self-importance’. I think it’s common to get self-importance and self-worth mixed up a bit. My self-worth is rooted in Christ. My self-importance is rooted in sin.
Because here’s the truth: I was never mine to begin with. My life, my body, my days — all of it belongs to the One who formed me. I’ve been bought with a price, redeemed by grace, and the children entrusted to me are just that — entrusted. Every single one of them, from the babies I eagerly anticipated to the ones that stretched my heart in surprising, scary, and sacred ways, are priceless gifts on loan from heaven.
And like the servant in the parable who was entrusted with much and proved faithful, I long to steward this life and these lives well—not perfectly, but faithfully. It’s humbling and weighty, and it’s good. Because this story was never mine to script anyway.
The Best Way to Raise a Family?
Is there a best way? A right number? A perfect plan?
We don’t believe so. Are we done having kids? Probably. But I’ve said that before!
We believe in seeking wisdom, listening for God’s leading, and embracing the family story He writes for each of us. We believe in walking forward when God says “another”.
For some families, God may call them to ‘one’. That is beautiful and perfect. For others, it might mean five. Or ten. Or a mix of biological and adopted. The beauty is in the diversity, the freedom to live a life shaped by love and trust rather than fear.
Conclusion – Too Many Kids?
So here we are — a family of seven, living a life that might look a little unconventional, but feels exactly right for us. We’re not trying to prove anything or chase a number. We’re simply embracing each blessing as it comes, trusting that our Creator knows what He’s doing.
If you’re standing at the edge of your own “big family” journey or watching from the outside, I hope you’ll see the value in every soul, in every family structure, and in the unique story each home holds.
There’s no such thing as “too many kids.” There are only human beings, precious and irreplaceable, each with a God-given purpose.
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